This blog’s title and website name were specifically chosen to reflect a very personal sign from Heaven the Lord sent my way shortly after my 12-year-old son, Carter, passed away as a result of suicide on July 10th, 2017.
At the one month mark of his passing on Aug. 10th, I visited his grave located about 100 yards from our backyard (there is a historic cemetery outside of our subdivision, and our street runs parallel to it). While at his grave I cried and talked to him. I begged him to send me a sign just letting me know that he was OK-something special that I wouldn’t have noticed before and that would now have significant meaning to me.
My Mama’s heart was hurting at the one month mark, I was feeling weak that evening just reliving the emotions of that horrific day, I was dreading having to return to work the following morning for our district’s “Back to School Opening Assembly”, and I just wanted a different form of comfort besides Scripture, songs heard on His Radio, or sermons. I needed something tangible.
I woke up the next morning and got ready to go to work. I walked outside to water the plants from Carter’s visitation that I was trying my hardest not to let die and looked down and noticed an artificial BLUE butterfly that had been placed in the center of one of the plants. I hadn’t seen that before, but it had been there all along for 4 weeks. I snapped a pic of it because I thought, “Hmm…that’s a little odd.” Below you will notice the very water droplets of what was initially a seemingly mundane morning task. I would quickly realize that this was my first sign.
A few seconds afterward, I remembered another odd occurrence just two days prior (1 day before my prayer at the cemetery) when my daughter Caroline and I arrived home. As we stood at the edge of the driveway we noticed a butterfly that kept flitting around- so much so that I stopped to take a picture of it on the spoke of her bicycle. I never, EVER do that. I’m one of the least observant people on the planet. I hardly ever notice things in nature much less stop to take pictures of them. However, the morning that I watered the plant I went back to my phone and located the picture of the butterfly from earlier in the week. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. It had BLUE on its wings. This was my second sign in less than 5 mins.
Immediately it dawned on me that just the night before while at his grave I noticed that someone had come by and hung a little butterfly ornament on a shepherd’s hook. I noticed it but had dismissed it at the time.
I immediately rushed back out to the cemetery that morning in order to check its color bc I just had a FEELING, and sure enough, it was a BLUE butterfly! I snapped a pic and came home to Google its meaning. I just knew in my heart it was going to be something special and spectacular.
Sure enough! According to Google, “Butterflies are also popularly thought to symbolize a person’s essence or soul, either past, present, or future. The color BLUE in a butterfly is often thought to symbolize JOY (praise the Lord!), color, or a change in luck. Sometimes a BLUE butterfly is viewed as a WISH GRANTER.” 💙😍
Those 3 butterflies in a 3 day window that came to me within a span of no more than 10 mins. were all the peace and assurance that I needed that everything was OK with my boy. I could start a new school year knowing that the Lord was going to give me strength, comfort, and grace to face each day. He heard my prayer and was letting me know that all was well.
But that’s not all! An even MORE amazing affirmation that the blue butterfly was my sign from Heaven came 3 months later in Nov. when I received a text from my mother-in-law. She had taken Carter shopping for my Mother’s Day present that year and wanted to know if the butterfly on the bracelet that he had chosen was blue.
Mind BLOWN.
I immediately responded, “yes.” Since I don’t often wear bracelets, it was hidden under all my necklaces and earrings in my jewelry drawer. I couldn’t believe it.
She said he picked it out all by himself and kept it at her house until he could surprise me with it on Mother’s Day that year…just two short months before his passing. Butterflies were never anything special to me before-it’s not like he would have looked at that bracelet and immediately thought about his Mama, but he did. And that simply amazes me how the Lord led my sweet boy to choose a piece of jewelry that He would use to bring such joy to my hurting heart and calm the doubts, fears, and questions that are so quick to creep in on hard days.
That’s my God, and I love Him. I have so many stories about this precious symbol known as a “Carter Wink”. They appear on especially difficult days, and not only do I see them and remember my precious boy, but others do as well. So many people now look at a blue butterfly and remember him and say a prayer for our family. I feel so lucky and blessed to have this visual reminder that brings peace to my soul.
I serve a mighty BIG God who is in every SMALL detail. Can I get a witness?!
Amen. I praise Him for His goodness to me.
Love, Loss, and Blue Butterflies 